I feel like at this stage in my life I am more confused now than I was when graduating high school. I don’t think high schoolers understand how simple their life can be. Wake up, go to school for eight hours (how did I do that?), eat food that was already bought for you (why is surviving so expensive?), join clubs (band geek!), etc. I know high school can be rough for some kids, but for me, it was easy breezy. I knew my exact path in high school. I was on full steam ahead to nursing school. Took health classes my senior year and got my CNA, worked for two years in assisted living, then off to college. Signed up for my required nursing courses and off I went. Aced most of them, too. Except for two B’s. I was dead set on becoming a nurse. Maybe becoming a nurse practitioner was in the future for me, who knows. My point is, is that I had a step by step plan.

I’m not sure if anyone else has this feeling, but I fully believe that there is no such thing as “your plan.” Sure, you have your own dreams and goals in life (nothing funky about that), but your ultimate plan is Gods plan. He has something in store for you far beyond what you think you have in store for yourself. And that is where the confusion comes in, right!? Now, I do not believe the plan He has for me is confusing. There is nothing confusing about God, but when your plan kinda starts to prohibit the plan He has for you…the confusion begins. Can I get an amen? You start to have melt downs, anxiety, self-doubt, have know idea what you are doing in life, randomly start crying, etc. And again, you are causing this, not Him. That is what I went through when I did a full 360 on my career. My husband can vouch for me, I was in a full-on mental battle with myself during my time at Western and when we moved to OKC. Example of my head space: “should I change my major? Now is the time do it. But I have worked so hard to get where I am. But I didn’t make it into WCU nursing program (Guys, my gpa was a 4.0 and I had mostly A’s in major courses…still shocked). What about holidays, weekends, time with family? I do love what nursing stands for…but something isn’t right with this career choice.” And the battle goes on and on until I finally decided to switch to business and the storm stopped. Seriously. My brain went quiet, and I could literally feel weights being lifted. I knew I made the right decision. All that fuss because God was in a head on collision with me and He was going to win (obvi).

So now what (the ultimate question for most twenty-year-old’s.)? The biggest question I’ve been asking since then. Honestly, I have no idea. I am not following the typical American outline; go to school, graduate, get a job, and stick there until retirement. I believe anyone going through something similar can say that this is difficult! Not knowing what my next steps will be is irritating, but that is where I am right now. I believe God is telling me that I need to figure out how to be okay with it. My time hasn’t come yet. I am right where I should be. My next steps are to focus on school and finish my business degree. I have a lot of change coming and I am just going to have to let go and let God.

My point? You will. You will accomplish whatever you are going through right now. You will be answered by God. He is listening and guiding. We all have our own seasons and battles. You are right where you should be. It is okay to be in the dark a little, because no matter what, you will.

Life gets super crazy, right? You run around all week long and look forward to the weekend. During the week you go back and forth from all types of activities that keep you busy. Hope is on the horizon though; the weekend is ahead. But doesn’t that breather feel like it lasted for less than a second? Then it’s back to an alarm clock filled week. Will life ever stop being so hectic?

I’ve been hard core struggling with this feeling for a while now. I feel at a steady rate of constant. Constantly at school, constantly at work, constantly doing homework, exams, get togethers, climbing, church, working out etc. Now, don’t get me wrong, I LOVE climbing, church, get togethers, and whatever else I enjoy (not so much school work), but sometimes it feels exhausting, right? Recently, I have been worn out. Physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I am in a desperate need of a family visit (haven’t seen my family in 8 months), of school to end, and of summer to begin. I am in desperate need of a BREAK. Anyone else feel the need of a break? Anyone else feel drained? We live in a society of constant movement and it is exhausting. But something came to me while I was in a yoga session.

Yoga is a wonderful way to shut yourself out from the world. To challenge yourself in many ways. Saturday challenged me spiritually (there was some definite physical challenges though 😊). We were in the star position (you literally look like a star), and the instructor said, “Take a minute to understand this position. Your lower half is full and grounded, while your upper half is open and vulnerable.” And at that moment I knew where my exhaustion was from and what I really needed a break from. I knew my foundation was strong and where it came from, but I let myself become vulnerable to craziness. I let my life be consumed by school, work, tiredness of church, tiredness of distance, and tiredness of life. I didn’t need a break from what my current life holds, I needed a break of taking a break from God. I shouldn’t have let myself be vulnerable to life but to God. I needed more Jesus (anyone else relate?).

Truth time. I do not read my Bible like I should. I do not have the relationship with God like I want. My submission to life caused me to distance myself from God. Not in a bad way, but in an apathetic way. I didn’t really concern myself with spiritual health. It is a hard truth to confess, but I am like 99.9% sure a lot of people deal with this. Which is why I didn’t slap my wrist and punish myself for not being “good” Christian (lets face it, no one is a good Christian. Being a follower is hard work and a constant decision every day). I realized that we all have seasons. We are human, and in this season, I unfortunately gave to life instead of God. But guess what? I NEEDED to do that. I needed my life to become crazy in order to see God > Crazy. I needed to fit my life into God’s, not fit God into mine.

So, if you are feeling in a similar way, know that this is your season. Maybe this post will help you realize that we are human. We falter. We drop in the water instead of focusing on Jesus. The awesome part is, is that He is there with his hand ready to pull us back up. Jesus pulled me up from the water during yoga. I don’t need a break from the life I have been given. I need a break from the break I took from God.

Craziness < GOD,

Kinsley 

So hard, right? Relinquishing control is tough one, I know. What’s funny is that we will not let go of our weight. Now, I am not talking about that kind of weight, but a weight that can bog and confine you. I am talking about the weight of stress, weight of emotional distress, weight of control, weight of doubt, worry, regret, addiction, low self-esteem, and the list can seriously go on and on. There are so many things that weigh us down and cause us to postpone the person we are meant to be. I am sure many women struggle with at least one weight I mentioned above. I think the saddest part is that most of us allow that weight to run our lives. We carry it around with us like it’s our old childhood pal. Somehow, we convinced our minds to think that we cannot live without it and if we let go, chaos happens. When in fact, not letting go causes chaos. Any of this sound familiar? I know it is near dear to my heart.

I’ve struggled with most of the topics above. Stress? Emotional stress? Worry? Doubt? Control? Regret? Low self-esteem? Yep, all old friends of mine. What’s crazy is how long I held tight to those old pals. I struggled all through high school and college. My mind was a battle ground. I worried about not being good enough for Zachary. Was I pretty enough? Would he like me more if I was more fit? Is he thinking about other girls? I seriously tortured my soul with these thoughts. And if that wasn’t enough, control skipped on in. I planned out my whole life, tried to control my engagement, career, marriage, friendships, etc. Pretty rough, right?

The best part (and perhaps most of us do this) is that beautiful mask I wore.  I never was not myself but struggled internally. I think this is more common than not. We are never not ourselves but missing out of the potential of true identity. It wasn’t until I had an angry outburst over nothing that I realized enough was enough. God brought me this far, so why am I letting control, doubt, and worry run my life? I was letting the weight of the enemy control my life instead of the freedoms of God.

I finally let go and let God. I seriously think Jesus walked around with a megaphone yelling, “SHE DID IT! SHE LET GO AND LET ME IN! FINALLY!” I dropped the mask, and my identity shined through. I became the woman I was meant to be and let her explode in development. Since then, that life I tried so hard to control did a 360, and the life I am pursuing now is so much better. I allowed myself to be me and it is refreshing.

So, my question to you is what are you holding on to? Be like Elsa and let it go. Be you! Drop the worry, doubt, and control. Engulf in the freedom God offers. Become the queen you are meant to be. Queens do not walk with a ball and chain attached to her legs. They walk tall with elegance and grace. God will bring you up from the ashes and have your beauty burst through. Elevate you walk and let who you are explode with fire.   

Here’s to letting go,

Kinsley

Marriage is a beautiful union of two people. Two different characters, two different goals, and two different dreams. I think a lot of people forget that it is okay to have individual dreams and want to go after a goal for themselves. Or maybe they forget their goals/dreams all together when they get married. I know I did. My thoughts of being a military wife were all but positive. For the first year of marriage I was in a negative mindset and a deep anger was taking over. All I could think about was how far away I was from family, having to move every few years and start all over, not having a solid career because I was moving all the time, and the list goes on and on. It wasn’t until recently that I noticed my attitude when I was called out by Zachary. As a side note, ladies, being called out by your husband is not out of hate. It should not be viewed as a “I am the husband and you are the submissive wife” when he is doing it out of truth and love. Let’s all agree to nip that in the bud. He called me out not only because I was hurting myself, but because I was affecting him, too. I was bringing dark instead of light into our life. There in that moment I realized that marriage is not about giving up yourself but finding it in the most graceful way.

 I realized that being a military wife wasn’t diminishing my dreams but erupting them one by one. Instead of thinking how far away I am from family, I started thinking how special each and every visit will be when I see them. Instead of thinking how I am not a part of my niece and future baby w’s lives, I started thinking about how I can be the best distant Auntie I could be. Instead of thinking about moving so often, I started thinking how blessed I am to pursue my dreams by exploring the world and meeting new people. Finally, instead of thinking how I will never have a solid career, I started thinking how special it will be to possibly try something new every few years. See marriage isn’t about losing your own life dreams but chasing them together.

Since I decided to look at life with a joyful heart, everything has become increasingly better (shocking, I know). Zachary is about to start his Master’s in Electrical Engineering, and I get to watch him soar in his field and cheer him on. He is looking into new opportunities that the military offers, and I get to tag along with him. I was accepted to UCO to finish my bachelor’s degree, and finally get to start the path God intended for me to have (I have no idea what that is, but He has my back). Are there days where Zach and I miss home a little extra? Absolutely, but that doesn’t mean we are not thankful for the life we have now. Letting go and letting God have control over our marriage is WAY EASIER than me trying to control it (I know, another shocker).

So, my advice to all you newlyweds and future newlyweds is to pursue each other and let God work His magic. Wives, go after your dreams. Husbands go after your dreams. Support one another and watch your marriage flourish. Chase your individual dreams together.

Here is to the beginning,

Kinsley

You know, I never really thought about starting a blog until recently. Never thought I could do it or be creative enough. Not really an arts and crafts kind of girl. Can’t make wreaths (as my sister), can’t draw, don’t have pretty hand writing, etc. I realized that I focused on a lot of cant’s instead of cans (which I am sure some of you are thinking, “Ya, me too.”). Sure, I have no idea where this will lead me but that’s okay. It might lead me to a lot of readers, it might lead me to only a few, or it might lead me to something I never would of expected. Either way it something that I wanted to give a shot.

And there it is. The moment where I submitted to this thought and a flood of ideas erupted. Then my brain went quiet and “A Little Bit of Everything” echoed. That was it, my theme. It made me smile and brought in focus on what I wanted to do. So here it is: this blog will be a little bit of everything. Topics ranging from little things to big things. You will just have to read to find out more!

My main focus is to bring blunt encouragement. You are probably thinking, “Blunt encouragement? What is that?” Well, it is exactly how it sounds. Sometimes we need a joyful kick in the butt and realize our life could be worse and what is happening right now is only for period. To realize that we are more powerful than we make ourselves out to be. And finally, to realize that focusing on the cant’s may lead to missed opportunities if we would of dwelled in the possibility of cans.

Hope to see you again,

Kinsley