Chasing Individual Dreams Together

Marriage is a beautiful union of two people. Two different characters, two different goals, and two different dreams. I think a lot of people forget that it is okay to have individual dreams and want to go after a goal for themselves. Or maybe they forget their goals/dreams all together when they get married. I know I did. My thoughts of being a military wife were all but positive. For the first year of marriage I was in a negative mindset and a deep anger was taking over. All I could think about was how far away I was from family, having to move every few years and start all over, not having a solid career because I was moving all the time, and the list goes on and on. It wasn’t until recently that I noticed my attitude when I was called out by Zachary. As a side note, ladies, being called out by your husband is not out of hate. It should not be viewed as a “I am the husband and you are the submissive wife” when he is doing it out of truth and love. Let’s all agree to nip that in the bud. He called me out not only because I was hurting myself, but because I was affecting him, too. I was bringing dark instead of light into our life. There in that moment I realized that marriage is not about giving up yourself but finding it in the most graceful way.

 I realized that being a military wife wasn’t diminishing my dreams but erupting them one by one. Instead of thinking how far away I am from family, I started thinking how special each and every visit will be when I see them. Instead of thinking how I am not a part of my niece and future baby w’s lives, I started thinking about how I can be the best distant Auntie I could be. Instead of thinking about moving so often, I started thinking how blessed I am to pursue my dreams by exploring the world and meeting new people. Finally, instead of thinking how I will never have a solid career, I started thinking how special it will be to possibly try something new every few years. See marriage isn’t about losing your own life dreams but chasing them together.

Since I decided to look at life with a joyful heart, everything has become increasingly better (shocking, I know). Zachary is about to start his Master’s in Electrical Engineering, and I get to watch him soar in his field and cheer him on. He is looking into new opportunities that the military offers, and I get to tag along with him. I was accepted to UCO to finish my bachelor’s degree, and finally get to start the path God intended for me to have (I have no idea what that is, but He has my back). Are there days where Zach and I miss home a little extra? Absolutely, but that doesn’t mean we are not thankful for the life we have now. Letting go and letting God have control over our marriage is WAY EASIER than me trying to control it (I know, another shocker).

So, my advice to all you newlyweds and future newlyweds is to pursue each other and let God work His magic. Wives, go after your dreams. Husbands go after your dreams. Support one another and watch your marriage flourish. Chase your individual dreams together.

Here is to the beginning,

Kinsley