I feel like at this stage in my life I am more confused now than I was when graduating high school. I don’t think high schoolers understand how simple their life can be. Wake up, go to school for eight hours (how did I do that?), eat food that was already bought for you (why is surviving so expensive?), join clubs (band geek!), etc. I know high school can be rough for some kids, but for me, it was easy breezy. I knew my exact path in high school. I was on full steam ahead to nursing school. Took health classes my senior year and got my CNA, worked for two years in assisted living, then off to college. Signed up for my required nursing courses and off I went. Aced most of them, too. Except for two B’s. I was dead set on becoming a nurse. Maybe becoming a nurse practitioner was in the future for me, who knows. My point is, is that I had a step by step plan.
I’m not sure if anyone else has this feeling, but I fully believe that there is no such thing as “your plan.” Sure, you have your own dreams and goals in life (nothing funky about that), but your ultimate plan is Gods plan. He has something in store for you far beyond what you think you have in store for yourself. And that is where the confusion comes in, right!? Now, I do not believe the plan He has for me is confusing. There is nothing confusing about God, but when your plan kinda starts to prohibit the plan He has for you…the confusion begins. Can I get an amen? You start to have melt downs, anxiety, self-doubt, have know idea what you are doing in life, randomly start crying, etc. And again, you are causing this, not Him. That is what I went through when I did a full 360 on my career. My husband can vouch for me, I was in a full-on mental battle with myself during my time at Western and when we moved to OKC. Example of my head space: “should I change my major? Now is the time do it. But I have worked so hard to get where I am. But I didn’t make it into WCU nursing program (Guys, my gpa was a 4.0 and I had mostly A’s in major courses…still shocked). What about holidays, weekends, time with family? I do love what nursing stands for…but something isn’t right with this career choice.” And the battle goes on and on until I finally decided to switch to business and the storm stopped. Seriously. My brain went quiet, and I could literally feel weights being lifted. I knew I made the right decision. All that fuss because God was in a head on collision with me and He was going to win (obvi).
So now what (the ultimate question for most twenty-year-old’s.)? The biggest question I’ve been asking since then. Honestly, I have no idea. I am not following the typical American outline; go to school, graduate, get a job, and stick there until retirement. I believe anyone going through something similar can say that this is difficult! Not knowing what my next steps will be is irritating, but that is where I am right now. I believe God is telling me that I need to figure out how to be okay with it. My time hasn’t come yet. I am right where I should be. My next steps are to focus on school and finish my business degree. I have a lot of change coming and I am just going to have to let go and let God.
My point? You will. You will accomplish whatever you are going through right now. You will be answered by God. He is listening and guiding. We all have our own seasons and battles. You are right where you should be. It is okay to be in the dark a little, because no matter what, you will.
A Little Bit of Everything 